


Made of Stardust

by Canofpringles



Series: Kaia fics (Good Omens OC) [6]
Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Blood, Blood and Injury, Depression, Gen, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Self-Harm, Wings, brief mention of attempted suicide, wing self harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-06
Updated: 2020-01-06
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:23:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22142614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Canofpringles/pseuds/Canofpringles
Summary: She sighed sharply and glanced down into the sink. Resting her arms on the cold porcelain counter. She closed her eyes and left the room, shutting the door behind her just in case she was able to see her unwanted reflection from the bed. She sat down again on top of her bed's comforter and her eyes filled up with tears. She was hurting.She had been feeling unhappy and depressed all the time, those thoughts flooded her head and she didn't know what to do. She felt truly and utterly helpless. That's when an idea popped into her head.
Relationships: Aziraphale & Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale & Kaia (Good Omens), Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens), Crowley & Kaia (Good Omens)
Series: Kaia fics (Good Omens OC) [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1425361
Kudos: 7





	Made of Stardust

Kaia sat on her bed and stared down at the brightly lit screen of her mobile. The clock showed that it was 1 am. 'I'm supposed to be sleeping right now' she thought. 

She didn't really need sleep, but she had done it since she was an infant so she had grown used to feeling tired and wanting to rest.  
Naps she was especially skilled at, but that was mostly because she had trouble sleeping at night and would be exhausted the next day. 

'It's those _thoughts_' they're the reason she couldn't usually sleep. The thoughts that came late at night. The ones that would be dormant during most of the day but would plague her mind while the sky was black and filled with the bright moon and stars. During this time her mind was quiet enough for these lurid thoughts to creep in. The ones she kept secret and to herself. 

She tried to ignore them but they were particularly strong tonight. She stood up and walked to the bathroom connected to her room. She mainly used it for taking relaxing bubble baths and showers. She looked into the silver mirror. Two mismatched eyes stared back at her, And those _wings_.

Even though her wings weren't physically there, she was able to see them in mirrors and reflections in water. She hated her eyes but those could be easily covered up with sunglasses. But the wings, they couldn't be. 

She always felt them, she could feel every one of her feathers. Every primary and secondary. Her wings were mainly white with a dark purplish iridescent black near the ends. She hated how they constantly reminded her that she was different, odd, weird, a hybrid, a _freak_.

She sighed sharply and glanced down into the sink. Resting her arms on the cold porcelain counter. She closed her eyes and left the room, shutting the door behind her just in case she was able to see her unwanted reflection from the bed. She sat down again on top of her bed's comforter and her eyes filled up with tears. She was hurting.

She had been feeling unhappy and depressed all the time, those _thoughts_ flooded her head and she didn't know what to do. She felt truly and utterly helpless. That's when an idea popped into her head.

Her wings and eyes were the cause of her pain and grief. She couldn't really do anything to her eyes but her wings, if she got rid of them then she would finally be happy. She couldn't miracle her wings away but she could take her feathers away. By the state of her bedroom, you could tell she had been molting. Feathers were scattered across the carpeted floor. She told herself she would clean it up but had been forgetting to do so.

She made her wings appear and slowly pulled and yanked on her new dark-colored feathers till they came loose and were pulled out. She had started with her smaller feathers so they didn't hurt really, similar to ripping off a bandaid. One by one she pulled on feathers and felt them come out. After she was satisfied with several feathers plucked she picked up the pile and put them under her bed and went around the room picking up older ones and put them with the rest.

She hid her wings from view and laid down in her bed under covers. She sighed contentedly and for the first time in a while she felt at peace. Finally, she could be happy and rest. 

* * *

  
And she was happy, for a little bit anyway. The happiness didn't last and she was hurting again. She kept plucking out feathers to ease the pain. 

She looked at the last feather she pulled, it sat in her hand leaking a small puddle of dark blood. She miracled a towel to wrap it in and hid the feather under her bed with the other ones.

Noticing her hands were sticky with blood, she went to wash them in the bathroom sink. She saw a drop of blood on the cold tile floor and turned around to see a part of her wing bleeding. 

She turned the knobs to her shower and stood under the water until the blood stopped. She miracled the floor clean and dried herself. 'It's okay if I have to deal with this pain to rid myself of the worse pains, then so be it. It'll be worth it' she thought.

* * *

  
The more she hurt the more feathers she plucked. The pile of feathers under her bed grew bigger. She had started doing it every week. 

By now her wings looked like she had gotten into a horrible accident. She never had her wings out around her fathers. A couple of times they offered to groom them for her. When she didn't accept their offer they were confused but respected her wishes. What was confusing for them was that Kaia usually loved grooming her wings. 

She had gotten used to the sight of blood from her feathers and would miracle it away. Noticing minor pains from her back, she started taking pain pills.   
Ignoring the pain in her wings, Kaia kept pulling and plucking her feathers. Her wings kept getting thinner and thinner. Most of the shiny black feathers were gone now. 

Due to the pile of feathers growing bigger and bigger she had to miracle them away. There were a few bloodstains on the carpet under her bed. She kept telling herself one more pluck, just. one. more. Soon the "one" had turned into several a day.

By now she was taking pills like they were candy, anything to ease the pain. They couldn't kill her anyway. She had already tried once. Her wings were now only out when she plucked feathers. She didn't tell anyone, she was scared of what they might say. Would they help her? Would others punish her somehow? She didn't know and didn't want to find out. Even if someone could help her she wasn't sure how they could or how effective it would be. 

Once again, it was very late at night. That was the main time she would pluck feathers. She sat on her carpeted floor pulling out her soft feathers one by one. She preferred sitting on the floor so she wouldn't get blood on her bed. She could just miracle blood stains gone like she had been for other messes but that wasn't on her mind currently. She grabbed one of her primaries on her right-wing and pulled it as hard as she could. 

She felt it slowly being pulled apart from hard bone. With one final strong yank, it came out. She screamed and started sobbing. Thick dark blood quickly started gushing out and she collapsed and laid on the floor. Crying in a puddle of dark blood. She hadn't expected it to hurt _that_ much. It had felt like being deeply stabbed in your back. She had never lost one of her primaries before, except from molting.

Crowley and Aziraphale immediately came to her room and quickly opened the door. They saw her lying on the ground holding a huge bloody feather in her hand. Her clothes and skin were stained with blood.

They rushed over to her and knelt beside her. "We need to stop the bleeding or she could go into shock" Crowley spoke, managing to keep a calm and steady voice. Aziraphale miracled a first aid kit into existence. They carefully rolled her over onto her side and together they quickly bandaged her wings up against her back.

Kaia's vision was blurry. She couldn't focus and could only tell that the people helping her was by their shapes. She was breathing short and rapidly. "D..D...Dads?" She managed to ask. _Kaia! It's us! Hang on it'll be alright!_ Their voices were muffled. She had already lost so much blood, her energy was fading fast. Her vision darkened and she became unconscious. 

* * *

  
Kaia opened her eyes to see her fathers sitting on the bed. "Oh thank someone, she's awake" Crowley sighed in relief. "Dad? Papa?" She asked. "It's ok we're here" Aziraphale comforted. She was lying on her bed. She tried to sit up but found that she barely had any strength. She reached out to hold her fathers' hands. 

"What happened?" She questioned. "We heard you scream and came into your room to find you on the floor lying in a puddle of blood. You held a ripped primary in your hands and were bleeding profusely" Aziraphale explained. "We bandaged your wings up and stopped the bleeding but you still passed out from it" Crowley continued. "Are you starting to remember?"

The memory was coming back. She glanced down to see if she was still covered in blood but there was none. 'They must've miracled it gone, and my wings aren't visible on this plane. When I was losing energy I probably couldn't keep them out anymore'   
"Yeah... I remember.," she spoke. 

Crowley gently rubbed her soft hand with his thumb. "Sweetheart, what happened? Did somebody hurt you?" He asked, scared that someone or something hurt his daughter. 

Kaia swallowed before she spoke "no... I did it" she sighed. "Kaia, what do you mean?" Aziraphale inquired. She explained the best she could about plucking her feathers and how she had been doing it for months and her feelings and those secret dark thoughts. 

They paused to take it all in. "Kaia, oh my poor child, you've been harming yourself all this time? " Aziraphale lamented. Kaia hadn't really considered that she was self-harming. She had thought of it as a remedy for her pain. "Oh, I suppose I have.." she remarked. Deep in thought thinking about what she had done. "That explains why you've been hiding your wings from us.." Crowley added. 'They noticed... Course they did, they have eyes like a hawk' she thought. 

"Sweetheart, why didn't you ever say anything?" Crowley asked sadness was in his voice. "I was scared" she admitted. "I didn't know how you would react, that's why I kept it to myself.."

"We're here to help you now, you don't have to go through this alone anymore" Crowley comforted. "You will get through this, we'll make sure of it. You're our daughter, and it's our job to take care of you" Aziraphale continued. Kaia nodded, she felt like crying but she didn't have any energy to.

"How about I make you some tea? Would you like that dear?" Aziraphale suggested. "Y-yeah, tea would be good" she agreed. "I'll go prepare your favorite," Aziraphale said. He left to go make it in the kitchen. Gaining a bit of strength back she managed to sit up and prop herself with her pillow.

Crowley sighed sharply. "Kaia, I don't understand... why would you pluck your wings?" "Because I hate them and my eyes, they remind me that I'm different and weird" she murmured. "Even if you are that's not necessarily a bad thing" Crowley articulated. 

"But it's not a good different or weird! Everything about me is mismatched and it makes me a freak" she cried. "It doesn't make you a freak Kaia, you're not a freak," Crowley said. "It's not true" she responded.

"Listen, Kaia, I don't know how many times I'll have to say it for you to finally believe it; I'll keep saying it until you do. You are not a freak. You are a wonderful and beautiful person" "really?" She asked, her voice ending on a higher pitch. "Of course! Why would you ever question that? He affirmed. He softly cupped her warm cheek with his hand. 

"And how could you ever hate your eyes? They're perfect. I wouldn't be surprised if they were made of stardust" Crowley continued, he smiled softly. "I used to make stars, back when I was still in Heaven it was my job to craft them" 

His thumb gently brushed over her jawline. Her face was peppered with brown freckles. She glanced down, closing her eyes. He lightly kissed both of her eyelids. "There, now I know that they're made of stardust" Crowley assured.   
She slightly blushed and smiled a bit. "Thanks" she spoke. 

She noticed a single black feather still lying on the ground. "I don't think my wings are though, they can't be" she commented. "I think they are, whenever light shines through them they glow as the stars do. They're absolutely wonderful just like everything else about you." Crowley complimented.   
"You don't mean that they're just regular wings" she shrugged. "I do mean it!" Crowley confirmed.

Aziraphale entered the room with a cup of Jasmine tea. "Here's your tea" he carefully handed the hot mug to her. "Thank you, Papa" she replied. "Sorry it took me a little while," he said. "As long as it tastes good, I'm fine with it taking a while" she responded.

"Angel, she doesn't believe it when I say her wings are beautiful and wonderful. Help me out here" Crowley asked, hoping his husband had a good response. "You know your father is right, your wings are lovely and exquisite. It's 100% true" Aziraphale added. 

"Ok, I believe you!" Kaia chuckled a bit. She took a sip of the sweet-tasting tea and sighed contentedly. "We're going to have to change your bandages occasionally, I think we can miracle it bandaged" Aziraphale explained. "That'll give it time to heal, how are you feeling now dear?" 

"A bit better, actually," Kaia said.

**Author's Note:**

> I'M STILL ALIVE! I just took a long break from writing. Happy new year! Sorry to start it off with an angst fic but I had written this before 2020 a while ago but I hadn't published it until now so..


End file.
